Comfort Zone

I treated myself to the bus from the train today instead of walking the 20 minutes. I sat down a few seats away from a couple of teenage boys who were chatting, trying to seem tougher than they really felt. They were talking about girls but in a pretty low key way. My ears perked up when I heard "rape."

Nope, it didn't go the way I thought I was going.

"If you get enlarged then it can't be rape. So you can't really get raped."

Yes, it went wrong in an entirely different way. I had an impulse to speak up immediately but swallowed it while I thought about the sort of things that would need to be said. It turns out I didn't have the chutzpah to discuss the subtleties of direct stimulation, blood flow, and their relationship, or lack thereof, to desire with two teenagers I'd never met before. There are arguments to be made that I was right not to do so and arguments that I was wrong.

I grew up in the 1970s. It was a time of encouraging children to use the technical terms for body parts and to be comfortable with sex and reproduction. From my perspective the '70s were all about knowledge being power. My mother was fully on board with this movement. She was always happy to provide a book, explain a situation, and encourage feedback. She still is! Sometimes I question her methods but then look at me, I'm comfortable talking about sex and other bodily functions with people, just not with my mother.

As I got off the bus I wondered where those kids were getting their basic info and who they might be able to talk to. I wish I'd at least had some sort of calling card with the contact details for Scarleteen* on it so I could have told them that their take on rape of men wasn't strictly accurate but it was understandable and there was a place to get answers.

Where did you get your questions answered as a kid? Where do you get them answered as an adult? Do you wish things were different?

*Scarleteen is in great need of donations in order to keep providing quality sexual health assistance to young people. If you have a few dollars to send their way, please do.

50 Ways To Read Your Lover

I try to always be upfront with you so lets be clear, I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey. My To Read pile is already out of control. People whose opinions I value have read the book or parts of it and said that it's not terribly well written. People whose blogs and tweets I follow who are core members of the domination and submission communities have had some problems with the way they've been portrayed. Now, I'm not judging anyone who reads stuff that's well written. I read and watch a lot of crap. More even than I ought I'm sure, however, I decided that it was ok not to read this particular stuff if it was going to mirror my experience wading through Twilight. Despite taking it off my list I had great plans to write a whole Alternatives to 50 Shades of Grey post but, as you can see, it hasn't materialized.

This evening I swung by a friend's house briefly. She's moving and has been sweating to the tune of her own packing all day. Before I left I pawed through the books in her giveaway pile. I moved one book back and forth about three times before I stopped myself. It was Our Bodies, Ourselves and I don't own a copy. I thought, "I write about bodies and sex. I need a copy of this book."

Well, you can't say that if you don't actually write about bodies and sex. That was enough to inspire me to get my ass (and my fingers and my brain) back here. As I strolled home with my bodily instruction manual clutched to my modest chest I mulled over how I should begin my Alternatives post. About halfway there I realized that I've written more than one post on the subject already. Why am I trying to reinvent the wheel? Let me do a round up of those posts below so we can share them with anyone who might be interested. One of my favorite parts of this site and the G-Spot column before it is the conversations. The one fantastic thing about 50 Shades is that it's upping the odds of people talking about sex and desire and pleasure. I've got my fingers crossed that we'll all have more opportunities to share (and read) these gems.

My tardy review of the anthology Bitten. Not just BDSM but plenty of that if you need it.

I don't think any of our readers would call Speak pornography but here's my post about the people who do.

Another round up, this one of all the ways you can enjoy the work of Susie Bright.

On the non-fiction shelf we've got Bonk, Mary Roach's exploration of sex in our society.

The only thing I've been recommending to people who like 50 Shades that I haven't mentioned here is Anne Rice's Beauty series. It's been around a long time so many of you may know it. It's very specifically BDSM. I've got the first one and re-read parts of it often but haven't gone on to the rest. I think I'll have to add those to my very tall To Read pile.

I'll see you soon with another of the posts I've been procrastinating on. Let's keep the conversation rolling!