Submission Joyfully Achieved!

Thanks to everyone who read through the archives over the past week while I pondered what to submit to Blogher's upcoming racy ebook. Did you submit anything yourself?

There were great suggestions, even one that I'd already considered myself. Since there was no limit on the number of items one could submit today I went through the very simple process and turned in three posts; Masked, Hello Stranger, and Snow Day. The deadline is this Sunday and I'm sure it will take a while to go through all the pieces that came in so I don't know when I'll hear back. Fingers crossed, though, I'd really like to be part of this project.

Now here's the fun part, somebody is getting a movie. As it turns out two somebodies are. You see, three people chimed in by the deadline and one of those said she already had a movie so she could be taken out of the running. I'm not going to eeny meenie miney mo the other two so I'm going to send them each the Comstock Film of their choice.

So, Laura and Bethany, you're both winners! Please email me at isabeau6 at hotmail dot com with your choice of Comstock Film. Include your address so I can order online and have it sent directly to you. Thank you thank you for your help!

Opine Your Opinionated Opinions Please

Blogher has been working in concert with Open Road to publish a couple of e-books. They recently put out a call for submissions for the next publication which is about sex.

Hmmmm, I may have written a thing or two on the subject.

I would really like to submit something but I always have a hell of a time choosing which thing to send. Here, of course, is where I hope you can help me. I was thinking of submitting some fiction but I'm open to other ideas, too.

In related news, my friend, Captain David Ryan, formerly known as Tony Comstock, tweeted recently that they are low on stock of a couple of Comstock Films titles and they aren't sure if they'll be reprinting them since their family's work has taken on a different focus.

Let us combine these two pieces of information. I will choose someone at random from the readers who, in the comments section of this post, suggest something for me to submit to Blogher's sex book and send that person the Comstock Film of their choice. (If you comment anonymously then simply sign in the body of the comment with an alias and if your alias is announced here as the winner you'll be responsible for emailing me to choose your film and pony up a place for it to be sent in a perfectly confidential way.)

The Blogher deadline is October 21 and I'll have to have a little time to prep whatever I send so let's say, please have your comments in by Wednesday October 17 at 5pm (that's next Wednesday). Sound good?

Thanks for your help. You are always endlessly helpful to me and I want you to know that I appreciate it.

You know what else I appreciate? The fact that you have great sexual thoughts and experiences and feelings that deserve to be shared. Anyone can submit writing or artwork to this book so if you've got something you want to send you should do it. You really should.

Tell Me About It

Ages ago I went into a fancy chocolate store with a beau and he told me he'd like to buy me whatever I wanted. I browsed a bit and chose something I loved and brought it to the register. He looked down at the one modestly-sized box of candy on the counter and said, "No. I didn't say one thing you wanted I said whatever you wanted."

Just remembering it makes me start breathing heavy. When he did the same thing later in a bookstore I thought I might follow him to the ends of the earth. (Spoiler Alert: I did not and it was a good thing.) Now, I knew neither of us was made of money. I wasn't going to grab an armful of artisinal truffle oil-infused chocolate or the complete works of Shakespeare unabridged. The offer, the releasing of limits in the gesture, though, was the largest part of the gift. It said, "You don't have to hold yourself back, make limiting choices, curb your appetites. I want you to have it all." He was all about expanding my limits. His own, not so much.

This morning the first thing I saw when I checked my email was an alert from my bank. I had made a foolish mistake resulting in a large overdraft. It's something that I can fix but because of the way banking works it will take a few days and numerous phone calls to reverse and hopefully eliminate any fees associated with the error. I was hyper emotional, as I usually am with money matters, and wanted to curl up in a ball and never ever peek out again. Since I have a dog that wasn't an option. I got up and walked to the park in the rain with him. While I walked I had a thought about fantasies.

If I'm honest, and why wouldn't I be here, there's usually a huge protective element to my fantasies. Sometimes that manifests sexually, I'm a sucker for the spooning and being taken from behind, but just as often it's also a long term plot element. (I'll keep the same characters and locations and just keep writing the story of the fantasy in my head over time, sometimes months. Just me?) The men I fantasize about, both real and imaginary, always handle our finances. I stop myself just barely short of abdicating all responsibility for income and it's apportioning, but the guy is usually a celebrity, has an inheritance, studied finance, or in one thrilling post-war rambling, got a huge settlement for being injured in the line of duty so we have plenty of money for living our dreams.

Inevitably, often on one of these walks with the dog, I will craft a scene where I want to do something that I want to do in real life - quit my job, write a novel, do a solo cabaret show with a big band, audition full time - and this dude in my head will say, "Do it."

I'll dither about the money and he'll say, "We can handle it. Do it."

Even in my fantasies, I'll ask again, "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Yes. That yes is possibly the hottest thing I ever imagine and I'm working on making a career out of imagining shit.

Now, we could pull out the psychology books and talk about how that's also related to how I want to feel valued and protected emotionally. We could take a side trip along the road where it's also about unleashing my sexual desires and having them be fully accepted, appreciated, and supported. I won't argue. Those things are all true, too, and come out in different parts of the fantasizing process. None of my fantasy men ever balk at ass play or toys or hot, noisy car sex, either.

The money part of the fantasy is real, too, though, and sexy and important to me. I might even go so far as to say integral.

Do you have any non-sexual aspects to your fantasies? Do you want to share them here?

Free

I know that mostly we talk about sex but we also talk about health. Today is a huge day for women's health so let's talk about it a little.

As of today women's preventive health services are free. Not even a co-pay, ladies. That's contraception, breastfeeding, and domestic violence counseling among other things. This info graphic I saw at Feministing outlines the good news and points out how important it is. Please take advantage of this wonderful thing. I've been putting off getting my annual screenings so long I can't really call them annual and it's time to fix that. Please join me! If you need convincing let's spend a minute for this short video at Shakesville outlining the benefits of contraceptive use by women. We're all better off if we're well informed, right?

Now, some people, of course, think this is a terrible idea (women's health care in general and contraception in particular). To be clear, I agree that the Affordable Care Act isn't perfect. On the other hand no one plan could possibly be perfect for everyone in such an enormous country. I do believe that making sure that our citizens are healthy is a top priority and that prevention is cheaper than cure. This, to me, is one step in the right direction.

The past weeks have brought stories of rape apologia, declarations that women aren't funny, denigration of women who don't look like Maxim magazine models, sexual harassment ignorance,  and a host of other bad news. It's heartening that this one little step forward is happening right now. It doesn't fix everything but it makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Comfort Zone

I treated myself to the bus from the train today instead of walking the 20 minutes. I sat down a few seats away from a couple of teenage boys who were chatting, trying to seem tougher than they really felt. They were talking about girls but in a pretty low key way. My ears perked up when I heard "rape."

Nope, it didn't go the way I thought I was going.

"If you get enlarged then it can't be rape. So you can't really get raped."

Yes, it went wrong in an entirely different way. I had an impulse to speak up immediately but swallowed it while I thought about the sort of things that would need to be said. It turns out I didn't have the chutzpah to discuss the subtleties of direct stimulation, blood flow, and their relationship, or lack thereof, to desire with two teenagers I'd never met before. There are arguments to be made that I was right not to do so and arguments that I was wrong.

I grew up in the 1970s. It was a time of encouraging children to use the technical terms for body parts and to be comfortable with sex and reproduction. From my perspective the '70s were all about knowledge being power. My mother was fully on board with this movement. She was always happy to provide a book, explain a situation, and encourage feedback. She still is! Sometimes I question her methods but then look at me, I'm comfortable talking about sex and other bodily functions with people, just not with my mother.

As I got off the bus I wondered where those kids were getting their basic info and who they might be able to talk to. I wish I'd at least had some sort of calling card with the contact details for Scarleteen* on it so I could have told them that their take on rape of men wasn't strictly accurate but it was understandable and there was a place to get answers.

Where did you get your questions answered as a kid? Where do you get them answered as an adult? Do you wish things were different?

*Scarleteen is in great need of donations in order to keep providing quality sexual health assistance to young people. If you have a few dollars to send their way, please do.

50 Ways To Read Your Lover

I try to always be upfront with you so lets be clear, I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey. My To Read pile is already out of control. People whose opinions I value have read the book or parts of it and said that it's not terribly well written. People whose blogs and tweets I follow who are core members of the domination and submission communities have had some problems with the way they've been portrayed. Now, I'm not judging anyone who reads stuff that's well written. I read and watch a lot of crap. More even than I ought I'm sure, however, I decided that it was ok not to read this particular stuff if it was going to mirror my experience wading through Twilight. Despite taking it off my list I had great plans to write a whole Alternatives to 50 Shades of Grey post but, as you can see, it hasn't materialized.

This evening I swung by a friend's house briefly. She's moving and has been sweating to the tune of her own packing all day. Before I left I pawed through the books in her giveaway pile. I moved one book back and forth about three times before I stopped myself. It was Our Bodies, Ourselves and I don't own a copy. I thought, "I write about bodies and sex. I need a copy of this book."

Well, you can't say that if you don't actually write about bodies and sex. That was enough to inspire me to get my ass (and my fingers and my brain) back here. As I strolled home with my bodily instruction manual clutched to my modest chest I mulled over how I should begin my Alternatives post. About halfway there I realized that I've written more than one post on the subject already. Why am I trying to reinvent the wheel? Let me do a round up of those posts below so we can share them with anyone who might be interested. One of my favorite parts of this site and the G-Spot column before it is the conversations. The one fantastic thing about 50 Shades is that it's upping the odds of people talking about sex and desire and pleasure. I've got my fingers crossed that we'll all have more opportunities to share (and read) these gems.

My tardy review of the anthology Bitten. Not just BDSM but plenty of that if you need it.

I don't think any of our readers would call Speak pornography but here's my post about the people who do.

Another round up, this one of all the ways you can enjoy the work of Susie Bright.

On the non-fiction shelf we've got Bonk, Mary Roach's exploration of sex in our society.

The only thing I've been recommending to people who like 50 Shades that I haven't mentioned here is Anne Rice's Beauty series. It's been around a long time so many of you may know it. It's very specifically BDSM. I've got the first one and re-read parts of it often but haven't gone on to the rest. I think I'll have to add those to my very tall To Read pile.

I'll see you soon with another of the posts I've been procrastinating on. Let's keep the conversation rolling!